[40th yrs anni gifts]

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.“Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.
“No,” she responds.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a “No thanks.”
“Well what would you like for your anniversary?” John asks.
“John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary.
“Sorry, I wasn’t planning to spend that much,” says John.

[The Rude Customer ]

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been > >withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "Fuck You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

[The Happy Hangover ]

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"

DO EUU NOD TAT ?

[ANIMALS]

• A crocodile's tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth and cannot move it.
• New Zealand is home to 4 million people and 70 million sheep.
• Animals also are either right-handed or left-handed. Polar bears are left-handed.
• The sailfish is the fastest swimmer, reaching 109 km/h (68 mph).
• The slowest fish is the Sea Horse, which moves along at about 0.016 km/h (0.01 mph).
• Dolphins can reach 60 km/h (37 mph).
• It is impossible to out-swim a shark - sharks reach speeds of 70 km/h (44 mph). Humans can run about 35 km/h (21 mph).
• The heart of a blue whale is the size of a small car.
• The tongue of a blue whale is as long as an elephant.
• The South American giant anteater eats more than 30,000 ants a day.
• A giraffe can clean its ears with its 50cm (20 in) tongue.
• In Denmark, there are twice as many pigs as people.
• 75% of wild birds die before they are 6 months old.
• An annoyed camel will spit at a person.
• An ostrich can run up to 70 km/h (43mph).
• African elephants only have four teeth to chew their food with.
• There are more than 150 million sheep in Australia, a nation of 17 million people.

[ HISTORY]

Accounts from Holland and Spain suggest that during the 1500s and 1600s urine was commonly used as a tooth-cleaning agent.

[FOOD]

• Milk chocolate was invented by Daniel Peter, who sold the concept to his neighbour Henri Nestlé.
• To make one kilo of honey bees have to visit 4 million flowers, traveling a distance equal to 4 times around the earth.
• Approximately one billion snails are served in restaurants annually.

[SCIENCE]

• Sound travels through water 3 times faster than through air.

[WAR]

• The shortest war on record took place in 1896 when Zanzibar surrendered to Britain after 38 minutes.
• The longest was the so-called 100-years war between Britain and France. It actually lasted 116 years, ending in 1453.

HAAS! VIBARTOR!!

PINKKKK......

VIBRATE RING.

WONDER HOW THEY USE IT???

LOLS